


Now Under New Management

by sg_wonderland



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 12:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2269938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_wonderland/pseuds/sg_wonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dedicated to Campylobacter, the new owner/operator of Daniel/Vala</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now Under New Management

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is aware of the existence of Hot Alien Threesomes, I'd appreciate a link, baby!

“Well?” Daniel glared through the prison bars.

“Good news and bad news.” Vala sank gracefully to her knees in front of the cell. “Which would you like?” She asked cheerfully.

“Good news, I suppose.” Daniel stretched his legs; obviously his incarceration wasn’t ending any time soon.

“The good news is that Teal’c persuaded the Owner not to claim the rest of the team.”

“Do I want to know how?”

“Well, Muscles persuaded the nice lady that he was pair-bonded with dear Colonel Mitchell and that both were property of the House of Carter. He even went so far as to volunteer a demonstration of their bonding but The Owner tabled that as a delightful maybe. So since they were already claimed, she was forced to relinquish her ownership of their persons. But because you were so adamant in protesting that you and I were not bonded in any way, she says that we are unclaimed so she exercised her right as the All Mighty Owner and Administrator of Daniel/Vala.” She smiled broadly. “We already have a name and everything!”

Daniel banged his head against the bars. “How do we get out of this?”

“That’s the bad news; I don’t know how we can possibly escape. No, I believe our only hope is to prove to The Owner that we are claimed is by bonding.” She paused. “As often as necessary, with as many various scenarios and accoutrements as she deems necessary. She’s really quite a charming lady, very charismatic. Perhaps she will tire of us and send us home. Or…”

“Or?”

“There is the slightest, really teeny, tiny, chance that she will sell us to a new owner.”

“Great.” Daniel groaned.

“Teal’c had a terrible time persuading her not to sell them to someone called Hot Alien Threesomes.”

“Just shoot me now.”


End file.
